SELF IDENTITY

Self Identity. So fickle and multi layered. So dependent on so many things: our personal history, our family history, our strengths, our weaknesses, who we are, and who we would like to be.

I speak from my experiences only. My art has taken me on a tremendous journey over the last twenty years, a journey that has forced me to dig deep, stripping layers one by one in search of a better understanding of self. For as long as I create art, this journey will continue.

What have I learned? I have learned, that have I had slowly built a wall around myself over the years, a wall that has shielded me somewhat from the negatives, but consequently also kept the positives at bay. Everyone, everything around, I kept at arms length. I limited my attachments, to people, to places, to things. The why, is for another discussion, as is the what that brought my walls tumbling down. Know though, that when they did, I instantly became vulnerable.

I used to consider vulnerability a weakness. I now consider it my greatest asset, my strength. Allowing myself to become vulnerable has opened both my eyes and my heart. It has allowed me to feel empathy for others, to be kind, not only to others, but also myself. It has forced me to take my mask off, and reveal myself for who I truly am. And I like that person. I have a long way to go, but I’m getting there.

SERENDIPITY

Serendipity

“The occurrence and development of events by chance, in a happy or beneficial way”

“ The fact of finding interesting and valuable things by chance.”

My finding of the objects that have inspired my current series of works, can only be described as serendipity. The objects in question, two 19th century hat manikins, were in a wonderful store in Calgary, called Architectural Uniquities. Uniquities, is a treasure trove for unusual items, and the manikins were no exception. Stained, torn in places, they were the right objects, for the right person. I was not that person. I had flown in for the weekend to visit friends. Returning with two hat manikins, would have been both unnecessary, and, impractical.

Fast forward two years. I was in a lull between series. I had finished the works for A Pause to Reflect, and was taking time before launching into a new series. I was also readingThe Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Self identity was certainly at the forefront of my thinking. Suddenly, the mannikins sprang to mind. A quick check of Uniquities website showed them to still be available. This time I bought them, and had them mailed out to Vancouver.

These two manikins are the inspiration for my current work, Just a Moment. Consisting of 15 drawings, the series explores the idea of masks, personas, and the need I sometimes feel, and I suspect others feel also, to don; a way hiding our true thoughts and feelings. Each image in the series, shows a head, in a varying stage of profile.

I remembered after I bought the manikins, that one of my grandmothers used to be a milliner in England, in the 19th century. The thought that she may have used items like these in creating her own work, brought the items closer to home.

So many chance events. Such unusual, yet inspirational objects. Serendipity.

A PAUSE TO REFLECT

This is one of those times in my in life, where I feel I need to take time to pause and reflect.  Things feel relatively balanced. No drama, no major projects, nothing enormous consuming my life ( I'm touching wood as I write this). My work over the last year, has allowed me to come to some rather large realizations about myself. 

Perhaps my largest realization, to own my own history, to accept myself for who I am.  I am not living someone else's life, I am living my life. Who I am today, is a reflection of my past: the people I have met, the things I have done, the events I have experienced, the opportunities I have both missed and run with, my family, my family history.

I don't profess to have full clarity. I am on a lifelong journey of discovery, working my way, sometimes tunnelling my way through life. But today, at least for today, I want to pause and reflect. Today, I feel my past and my future are standing firmly together as one.

MY NEW STUDIO

I was recently asked to answer the following:

Describe your current studio space. What is working for you within this space, and what is not?

The question couldn't have been timed more perfectly. We have just finished moving, not only houses, but my studio space. Anyone who has moved their studio, knows our exhausting and stressful this exercise is.....not only to move the artwork safely, but to find, and set up a new and effective space in which to work.

Over the last six years, I have had to move my studio three time. My first studio, and one I worked in for close to ten years, had been specifically designed and built for me by my father. Leaving it was heartbreaking, but as we were moving provinces, became a necessity. My second studio, also a great space, was one we reconfigured from a preexisting structure. While this space may have suited the working style of other artists, the layout, and lighting, never fully suited my own personality. It's main problem, it was divided into two levels. The top level was too bright and exposed, the lower level, disjointed and gloomy. My third studio was in the basement of a house we were renting. Surprisingly, this space suited me well. Aside from my having to protect carpets and curtains, the working layout of this space was large, and cozy to work in. It taught me a lesson. With the right lighting, storage, working space, ceiling height, and easy to clean flooring, I should be able to create work anywhere.

My new studio space was a surprise. Also located in the basement of a house, the space had been specifically designed for the previous owner, a sculptor who created work on quite a large scale. When we visited the house, I was unaware it contained a studio, never mind one that would be suitable for me to move into. The space is excellent. High ceilings. Good wall space. An easy to clean floor. Sufficient lighting. Easy access to water and a washroom, and, ample storage. As an added bonus, the garage contains a further space in which I will be able to work should I wish to do so over the Summer.

I am planning for this space, to be my long term studio space. I am excited to see where my work takes me, now that I am fully settled in..